As a strong introvert, I always thought sitting at home by myself equals pure bliss. Well, it turned out that it is not so much fun when you are forced to do it. 24/7. For a year straight. With no end date in sight.
After a few minor breakdowns, I decided to take advantage of my company’s employee assistance program and see a therapist. Despite her Covid-related workload, a young woman found a moment to see me. As the appointment started, she asked me what was wrong. So much, I thought. So much I don’t even know where to start. And I just spat out everything that was on my mind.
…I don’t want to put my parents in danger, but they need someone’s assistance and company…
…I see friends, even families become enemies because of different Covid outlooks…
…People lose jobs, companies go bankrupt, world economy is headed downhill…
…Media provide contradictory and incomplete information…
…Yet on FaceBook, everybody is suddenly a virologist.
And barely anybody here to acknowledge our pain.
“I tried what I could,” I went on. “Yoga, reading, writing, meditating, rearranging furniture, dying my hair, baking my own bread. Nothing helps anymore. Just how, how do I get used to this?!” I sighed.
I honestly expected her to look sorry for me and tell me to be strong. But her answer got me taken aback.
“You know, you are not supposed to get used to this,” she said calmly after a short silence. She proceeded to explain that current situation is unhealthy. And we should never try to adapt to toxicity.
Frustration is not only natural — it’s crucial to humanity. It brings anger, a real driving force. Happiness, compassion or fear cannot bring change. It will always take someone who bangs their first on the table and shouts: “This is UNACCEPTABLE!” Otherwise, we become lions in captivity. Fighting at first, then, bit by bit, getting used to it. To the point of forgetting there is life outside the cage.
Think of it as of pain. Troubling, we wish it would go away. But it is there for a reason. To warn us, preserve us, push us away from dangerous status quo.
It was the first therapy in my life. I always believed no one can possibly understand what is going on inside my head, that I just have to untangle it myself somehow. This experience was a real eye opener. I realized nothing was wrong with me — I was just sane. Frustration needs to be channeled somehow, sure. But it needs to stay here, inside our heads. Reminding us that this situation is meant to be temporary. That we should not turn this into our comfort zone, let this become the new normal. Which is already slowly happening.
So stay frustrated and healthy.
